Divorce Takes Part of Your Soul… But There Are Ways to Make Life Easier

If you have ever heard someone say, “divorce hurts with every breath,” they aren’t kidding. Heartache is a horrible feeling. Divorce, regardless of circumstance or cause, is excruciatingly painful.

At first, you might feel like you can’t breathe. Then, when you’re finally able to breathe, you can feel the deep pain in every single breath. At first, you might toss and turn alone in your bed. You might cry until you can’t breathe.

But, listen to me, IT GETS BETTER!

The wound will always stay there, but it will become a scar. You might still look at the man or woman you love and feel your heart sink. But, what does it matter if theirs doesn’t do the same?

Marriage is two people… not one.

I can’t promise you won’t love your soon-to-be ex-husband or ex-wife for the rest of your life. But, I can promise living without them does get easier with time (even if it doesn’t feel like it will ever get better).

There are a few tips i’ll share with you that might help you get through this time.

Focus on the Good: Your Blessings

For me, the good was my boys. I focused all of my attention on my boys. They have always been my first priority and always will be. We have been on a nonstop adventure since we started to be a family of three.

It’s my boys and I. It’s us. We are a team. And, they depend on me and have depended on me during this difficult time to be their rock, their support, their structure, their life. They depend on me to be okay. Seeing their little faces made me realize I would be. Every kiss, every hug, and every “I love you” just gave me that much more motivation (and continues to).

Have you ever heard someone say ‘I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.’ Well, that’s me. Ha. I don’t have time to hurt. I needed to heal. I needed to be strong.

I could break when the day was over. But, during the day, I tried to focus as hard as possible on all the good in my life.

My company, and my writing, also kept me busy. Plus, I recently bought a house.

Between my kids, my growing company, and home renovations, I haven’t had too much time to focus on the pain.

Of course, I do realize the pain has to come out sometimes for the wound to heal. But- I have attempted to hold the pain in as much as I can until I find a time I am able to set it free.

There are still times I break down; I am only human. I didn’t marry my husband for no reason. I married him because I wanted to spend my life with that man. I wanted to raise a family with that man. I wanted him to love me the way I loved him.

I wanted him to want our family as much as we wanted him. But, instead, he turned his back and went back to the life he wanted without us.

For that, I should probably say a “Thank You” to God. We deserve someone who always puts us first in their life and looks at the three of us as if we were the best thing to ever happen to him in his life.

P.S.- Just as a side note- don’t ever talk bad about your children’s mother or father to them.

They will form their own opinions, but those don’t need to come from you. I have told my children how much their father loves them every day but it doesn’t matter how many times I say it if they don’t feel it.

If you have children, and you happen to be in a similar situation, this will tear your heart apart the most. This too becomes easier. Your children’s pain will begin to diminish. I know what you’re thinking right now if you’re in the beginning of this process.

“They will never get through this.”

I thought the same. I see my children now, though. It’s 8 months later, and their pain is almost completely gone. They have accepted what life is and they’re happy with what our family has become. They see their father every now and then, but he has essentially become a stranger to both of them at this point.

They will always love him, and he will always be their Daddy, but they have accepted he is gone from our family. We are no longer a family with Daddy. We are a family of our own.

All the Memories-All the Photos

There isn’t any reason to throw away all the memories. There’s no reason to throw away all the photos… especially if you have children.

Remember all the good memories. There’s no harm in remembering all the good times you had. You may even want to tell your children all those stories someday. And, the photos are equally as important.

Still Sorting it Out

I’m still sorting the rest out- even eight months later- but it has become easier with time. The wound is there, but what is left is mostly a scar with a small open stitch at the end. I’m still in the process of getting my divorce finalized. That day will be bittersweet. It’s coming up soon.

Everything else has been finished- but the divorce will officially end this chapter of my life and allow me to start fresh. On a new slate. With my babies.

We have the chance at a new beginning. My children have the chance to have a childhood that’s real. They will be able to imagine. To pretend. To play. To have fun. To go on adventures. To develop new relationships. No more pain. No more stress. No more heartache.

They don’t hurt anymore… and that has eased my pain tremendously.

I’m sure growing up with a single Mom can be hard at times, but we will continue to make the best of it and enjoy life to the fullest.

Until next time, everyone! ❤

 

 

Published by AmberLDrake

Walt Disney once said, “We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”. To be successful is to have no limitations, it is to work through all obstacles, to have extreme passion for life, and love for others, and this seems to be the underlying motto of Amber Drake’s life. Drake is a highly accomplished, world-renowned, and published book author, freelance writer and editor, inspirational speaker, an inspiring teacher, a well-reputed canine behaviourist, a canine cancer researcher, and the CEO of Canine Companions. As a child, she was keenly interested in the veterinary field and this interest paved way for her to be the successful businesswoman she is today. Starting with an Associate of Science degree in Biology in 2007 from Jamestown Community College, she has since expanded her knowledge horizon by acquiring a Bachelor of Science in Biology degree with courses from both SUNY Fredonia and Cornell University, followed by a Master of Arts Degree in Education (2011) from Ashford University, a Post-Master’s Educational Certification, and a Doctorate in ABD from the North Central University, Prescott Valley Arizona. Driven by her love for dogs, she regards her company, Canine Companions, as her greatest work-related accomplishment. She wrote the book, ‘Dog Talk: What Your Dog Wants You To Know’ as a comprehensive guide to understanding the behavior of dogs. She has since been involved in numerous writing jobs in the field, varying from writing about veterinary medicine for pet insurance companies to serving as the Co-founder and Vice President at Preferable Pups. She actively engages in content management, copywriting and research work, ghost-writing, and content marketing for organizations around the world. In addition to being an incredibly successful writer, canine behaviorist, and a CEO, she is an educator as well as an experienced curriculum developer. She is a Professor of Veterinary Medicine at Mentoray, where she teaches and develops curriculum. She is also an Adjunct Professor of Professional Sciences at Kaplan University and an Adjunct Instructor of Biology at Jamestown Community College (10+ years). Drake is a woman of many skills. She has been in the freelance content writing field for almost 7 years now with a vast amount of writing experience throughout the past ten years. She is a proficient copywriter, blogger, and has years of experience in content management and development, content creation proofreading, written communication, and correspondence. She has a number of certifications including, but not limited to, Canine Psychology, SEO, Content Marketing, Social Media Marketing, Snapchat Marketing, and Google AdWords. Drake is a woman of extreme passion with great love for her work as a canine behaviourist, writer, and college professor. You can read more about her on her website http:/www.AmberLDrake.org or connect with her on her Facebook page, www.facebook.com/specialistamberdrake.

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