If you have ever heard someone say, “divorce hurts with every breath,” they aren’t kidding. Heartache is a horrible feeling. Divorce, regardless of circumstance or cause, is excruciatingly painful.
At first, you might feel like you can’t breathe. Then, when you’re finally able to breathe, you can feel the deep pain in every single breath. At first, you might toss and turn alone in your bed. You might cry until you can’t breathe.
But, listen to me, IT GETS BETTER!
The wound will always stay there, but it will become a scar. You might still look at the man or woman you love and feel your heart sink. But, what does it matter if theirs doesn’t do the same?
Marriage is two people… not one.
I can’t promise you won’t love your soon-to-be ex-husband or ex-wife for the rest of your life. But, I can promise living without them does get easier with time (even if it doesn’t feel like it will ever get better).
There are a few tips i’ll share with you that might help you get through this time.
Focus on the Good: Your Blessings
For me, the good was my boys. I focused all of my attention on my boys. They have always been my first priority and always will be. We have been on a nonstop adventure since we started to be a family of three.
It’s my boys and I. It’s us. We are a team. And, they depend on me and have depended on me during this difficult time to be their rock, their support, their structure, their life. They depend on me to be okay. Seeing their little faces made me realize I would be. Every kiss, every hug, and every “I love you” just gave me that much more motivation (and continues to).
Have you ever heard someone say ‘I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.’ Well, that’s me. Ha. I don’t have time to hurt. I needed to heal. I needed to be strong.
I could break when the day was over. But, during the day, I tried to focus as hard as possible on all the good in my life.
My company, and my writing, also kept me busy. Plus, I recently bought a house.
Between my kids, my growing company, and home renovations, I haven’t had too much time to focus on the pain.
Of course, I do realize the pain has to come out sometimes for the wound to heal. But- I have attempted to hold the pain in as much as I can until I find a time I am able to set it free.
There are still times I break down; I am only human. I didn’t marry my husband for no reason. I married him because I wanted to spend my life with that man. I wanted to raise a family with that man. I wanted him to love me the way I loved him.
I wanted him to want our family as much as we wanted him. But, instead, he turned his back and went back to the life he wanted without us.
For that, I should probably say a “Thank You” to God. We deserve someone who always puts us first in their life and looks at the three of us as if we were the best thing to ever happen to him in his life.
P.S.- Just as a side note- don’t ever talk bad about your children’s mother or father to them.
They will form their own opinions, but those don’t need to come from you. I have told my children how much their father loves them every day but it doesn’t matter how many times I say it if they don’t feel it.
If you have children, and you happen to be in a similar situation, this will tear your heart apart the most. This too becomes easier. Your children’s pain will begin to diminish. I know what you’re thinking right now if you’re in the beginning of this process.
“They will never get through this.”
I thought the same. I see my children now, though. It’s 8 months later, and their pain is almost completely gone. They have accepted what life is and they’re happy with what our family has become. They see their father every now and then, but he has essentially become a stranger to both of them at this point.
They will always love him, and he will always be their Daddy, but they have accepted he is gone from our family. We are no longer a family with Daddy. We are a family of our own.
All the Memories-All the Photos
There isn’t any reason to throw away all the memories. There’s no reason to throw away all the photos… especially if you have children.
Remember all the good memories. There’s no harm in remembering all the good times you had. You may even want to tell your children all those stories someday. And, the photos are equally as important.
Still Sorting it Out
I’m still sorting the rest out- even eight months later- but it has become easier with time. The wound is there, but what is left is mostly a scar with a small open stitch at the end. I’m still in the process of getting my divorce finalized. That day will be bittersweet. It’s coming up soon.
Everything else has been finished- but the divorce will officially end this chapter of my life and allow me to start fresh. On a new slate. With my babies.
We have the chance at a new beginning. My children have the chance to have a childhood that’s real. They will be able to imagine. To pretend. To play. To have fun. To go on adventures. To develop new relationships. No more pain. No more stress. No more heartache.
They don’t hurt anymore… and that has eased my pain tremendously.
I’m sure growing up with a single Mom can be hard at times, but we will continue to make the best of it and enjoy life to the fullest.
Until next time, everyone! ❤
